(no subject)

[krazykitkat]

Surfacing 5/?
By Katrina McDonnell

Words are funny things. They were his living, yet he didn't fully understand them. There was no correlation between the importance and complexity of the meaning of a word and the number of letters that formed it. Politics was the ultimate creator of gobbledegook; long, complicated terms which meant precisely nothing. Counter-intuitively, some of the shortest words conveyed ideas humans still couldn't fully define or comprehend; meanings so esoteric, philosophers had debated them for millennia. Life, death, war, hate, God, time, space, kill, yes, no, feel, mom, dad, baby...

Love was a four letter word. How did only four letters encompass a term which was so abstract? The love of parents for a child, a child's love of parents, love of a friend, being in love...feelings so many said couldn't be explained, couldn't be put into words. Yet they were, one word, four letters.

There you go again! Give it up, Danny. Stop hiding, face reality. Your baby is dead, CJ is in surgery dying, you could both lose your jobs, you've made some powerful enemies...and all for what? A conquest? A relationship you knew would never work out? You just couldn't give up, you had to push and push till she gave in. And now, you've destroyed her. You happy?

"No!"

Danny didn't realise his anguished cry had been audible, until he felt Abbey's arms around him. He subconsciously stiffened, his guilt not wishing to be expunged.

"Danny?"

He stood suddenly, pulling himself out of her embrace. Not wanting to see the pity in her face, he looked down at his feet. "I have to call my editor."

"What are you going to say?"

A burst of anger coloured his reply. "Don't worry. I'm not giving them an insider's exclusive. This is my dirty little secret too."

"I never thought you would."

Her voice was low and calm, but when he looked up at her, he could see the hurt. He slowed his breathing to relax himself. "I'm sorry. Automatic reporter reflex. I'll just say I've got a family emergency. I've got quite a bit of time off owed to me."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"No, I can do it myself." Danny carefully avoided her touch as he left the room. He was barely holding himself together as it was. If Abbey touched him, comforted him, his already frayed nerves would unravel.

He walked past the two Secret Service agents in the corridor, and inquired at the desk about a phone. He'd left his cell phone back at the White House. After a few minutes wait due to a meeting, he finally spoke to his editor. Danny explained the family emergency and requested at least five days leave starting immediately. His editor granted it and then informed him about the White House Press Secretary being taken to the hospital. Danny pretended to be surprised by the news. He decided he should put out some feelers about open job positions, within the Post and other nearby papers.

"But you turned down the editor's position last year."

"I know I did. I wasn't ready for a change then." Danny scuffed the floor with the toe of his shoe. He wasn't really ready now, but if he wanted to stay with CJ, his present assignment was untenable.

His boss continued. "Nothing like a family emergency to refocus priorities. I'll ask around. I assume you want to remain in D.C.?"

"Yeah. If not, somewhere close so I could commute."

After a few more minutes of discussion about his present stories and the relief reporter, the call finally ended. He spotted a water cooler further down the corridor; though he really wanted a scotch, it would have to suffice. The cool liquid rehydrated his dry mouth and throat. He dispensed himself a second cup and drank it at a more sedate pace. As he looked for a rubbish bin, a high pitched sound attracted his attention. He swung around to find the source. A young couple walked towards him, the man holding the hand of a skipping child. The woman carried a crying baby, a newborn judging by the size.

"My baby brother is coming home," sang the little girl, her new mantra repeated over and over. Bliss illuminated the faces of all three. His mouth was issued with a drought declaration.

The family drew level, the young girl greeting him. "Hello. My baby brother is coming home today." Deep brown eyes sparkled at him, from a pixie face framed by shoulder-length raven hair.

Danny forced a smile to his lips. "You're a lucky girl."

"Come on, Sweetheart." Her father nodded at him and gently tugged her arm.

"Have you got a baby?"

Her innocent question hit him like a storm surge, ripping his feet out from under him. He struggled to the surface and managed to answer her. "No, I haven't."

Her parents saw his distress, and quickly convinced her to say goodbye. She waved at him as they left. He waved back as the first tears announced their arrival. Blinking them away, Danny headed back to the waiting room. Each step echoed in his head, each touch of foot on floor increased the pressure within his chest. Heartbeat matched the tempo of footstep. Faster and faster, they kept up with the other. Chest tightening, breathing in gasps. Blood pounding, pressure increasing. Building to a crescendo, just awaiting a trigger.

"Danny?"

He looked up. He was back in the waiting room and Abbey was speaking to him.

The weight behind the dam wall caused several small cracks; he started to shake and walked to the opposite side of the room. He didn't want to drown her too.

A rubbish bin received the full force of the torrent as the wall breached. Rage flowed with grief, guilt mixed with love and helplessness. Tears blinded him as he pummelled the nearest solid surface. The anger slowly subsided as his legs drained of energy and he sank to the floor. Sobs restricted his breathing and he shook uncontrollably.

Arms enclosed him in a veil of safety. He leant his head against her as she stroked his cheek and back.

"Let it all out, Danny. Let it all out."

The tears continued to fall, interspersed with words of guilt and self-loathing. She didn't say anything, just gently rocked him. Slowly the tide began to ebb.

A sweet languor overtook him, he relaxed. They sat together, silent, as calm returned.

"Danny."

He shifted so he could see Abbey's face. She continued to stroke his back and stilled her hand on his cheek.

"It's not your fault."

His voice was croaky. "If I hadn't forced her..."

"Do you really think CJ can be forced to do anything she doesn't want to?"

"We could both lose our jobs. And Leo's going to kill us."

Abbey stood and pulled Danny to his feet. "Let's continue this discussion on the chairs. The floor's getting too hard." After they had settled, she continued. "You both knew the risks going in. Yet, you obviously decided it was worth it. I've watched you two dance around each other for nearly two years. If this were any other job, you'd have been together a long time ago. How long has it been going on?"

Danny wrung his hands. "Seven months."

"And you managed to keep it quiet till now." She stilled his hands with her own. "As for Leo, he's not going to kill you. At least not right now." Danny allowed a tiny smile to infiltrate his face. "He's worried, about both of you. Contrary to popular belief, he is human."

Danny looked directly into her eyes. He needed to see her true reaction when he asked his question. "Abbey, is she going to die? I need the truth."

He watched as her face fell and her eyes glistened with moisture. "I don't know, Danny. That is the truth. Her chances aren't good. She's lost a lot of blood, they need to stop that first. Then repair any damage. If she makes it through surgery, there could still be complications from the shock and infection. That's just the physical side. Emotionally, it's going to be a long, rough road, for both of you."

"Our baby is dead, CJ could die...I should have given up the first two hundred times she said no." He began to rant once more. "But I had to keep pushing. Couldn't take no for an answer. And she's paying for it."

Abbey grabbed his arms and squeezed. "Cut it out now, Daniel. Pull that train back into the station. You are not going on this guilt trip." Her voice was forceful enough to quiet him. "You aren't going to be of any earthly use to her in this state. CJ is going to need you, more than she's ever needed anyone." She gently placed her hands on either side of his face. "I will be here for you. When you need to talk or a shoulder to cry on. I don't want the typical machismo getting in the way. You need to start to deal with this now, so you'll be in a better position when she needs you."

Danny was having trouble letting go of his doubts. "But, if I hadn't..."

"Enough of the buts. Last time I checked, you were both consenting adults. Accidental pregnancies happen. Unfortunately, ectopic pregnancies also happen. They are no one's fault." She paused briefly. "Do you love her?"

"Yes." He answered without hesitation.

"Does she love you?"

"I think so."

Abbey smiled at him. "That is all you have to remember. Nothing else matters. CJ obviously thought you were important enough to take a risk on. She knew exactly what she was doing. You have no right to invalidate her feelings and actions. Which is exactly what you're doing by blaming everything on yourself. None of this is your fault." She lightened the mood. "And please don't make me say fault again. The word police will be after me for overuse."

Danny couldn't help grinning. "You need a thesaurus?"

"I thought you were the wordsmith?"

"Nah. The dictionary and thesaurus write the columns. I'm just their front man." He closed his eyes and sighed. "I should have made her stay home."

"No, Danny. Being at work was the best place for her. If she'd been at home, she wouldn't have made it this far."

Tears started their journey down his cheeks once more. He attempted to brush them away, but reinforcements quickly reclaimed the positions. "I can't lose her, Abbey. Not now. Seven months isn't long enough."

"I wish I could promise you she will be all right. But you know I can't." She held his hands tightly. "CJ is strong and a fighter. Those qualities will help give her a chance."

Danny could only nod, as the battalion of tears broke across the containment line. Once more, Abbey gave him her shoulder. He felt her begin to shudder and tightened his arms around her, offering support in return, as her tears wet the back of his neck.

Two people, keeping each other afloat.

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